I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
