Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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