If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
