I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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