so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
