sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
