so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it was like having sex with a tree stump
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
