i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
