WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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