she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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