I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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