new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
