she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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