I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish there were birth control emojis
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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