Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
