Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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