So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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