The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
