i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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