Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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