what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
