new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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