When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
