Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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