he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
