She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
