Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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