im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
