I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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