she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
