so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
