just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
