You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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