It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
