did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
