You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
