In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hate all girls vehemently.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
