I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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