My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
