This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
