just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
