i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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