she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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