naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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