i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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