I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
