dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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