i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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