It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
