From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
