Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
pray to the hookup gods
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
