she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
