Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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