why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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