Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
