I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
