I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
