She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
