I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
