ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
