White coat. Heels.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
