Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
