You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
