I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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