I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
