I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
