Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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