Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We left an ass print on the piano.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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