Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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