don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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