Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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