Betty ford says i'm here all night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
