He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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