there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
