I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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