Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
